This is not how I planned to start a content series.

I debated for a long time whether to share the full story behind this series because it is easier to just post the videos and let people enjoy them without the backstory. But the messages I get from mums who watch these episodes tell me that the why matters just as much as the where.

I want to be clear about something before you read any further into this series. I am not an expert or a Brisbane guru. I am just a mum, with google maps, who was having a really hard time and needed someone to tell her that there were good places out there worth leaving the house for, and what they were actually like with a baby in tow, and whether the coffee was decent while she was there. Six months ago, this would have helped me so much.

And if you are sitting at home right now feeling a bit lost and a bit stuck and not quite sure how to start getting out again, this one is for you.

What postpartum anxiety actually looked like for me

I have always struggled with anxiety. I know what it feels like in my body, I know my triggers, I know how to manage it. When Ashton was born, it presented completely differently from anything I had experienced before, so to my surprise, I didn’t actually realise how bad it was.

I developed a fear of leaving the house.

Not a preference to stay home. Not the normal newborn exhaustion that makes the couch feel like the only reasonable option. An actual, physical fear. My heart would race before we even got to the car and making plans would make me feel sick to my stomach. I would check Ashton in his car seat at every single red light because someone, somewhere, had told me babies can just stop breathing and my brain had filed that information away and decided to treat it as a constant, imminent threat.

We were getting ready to leave for Ashton’s one week check up and of course, I was already stressed about leaving the house for the first time with him. Was he in the car seat correctly? Do I have everything I need? Will we be safe on the drive in? And in the high anxiety state I was in as we finally loaded into the car ready to go, the car wouldn’t start.

Without going on too big of a tangent, I have had verrry bad luck with cars and the last time something went wrong, it was either a $12k engine replacement or buying a new car. So I already have terrible car-related anxiety. Back to the main story:

Completely normal, completely fixable, dead battery. Any normal person would shrug their shoulders, call RACQ, and rebook the doctors appointment, no worries. But my body catalogued that moment and decided that getting in the car now meant something bad was about to happen. Heart racing. Dizzy. Overwhelmed before we had even reversed out of the driveway. Every single time after that event.

On top of that, I had a few experiences when I went out that I would have people (typically older people) approach me and TOUCH MY BABY WITHOUT ASKING. One lady even KISSED HIM ON THE HAND before I even had a moment to say anything. So I was absolutely terrified of people coming to talk to me and walked around with the guilt that I didn’t go all ‘mama bear’ on that lady. Why didn’t I have it in me? I felt sick that I didn’t have it in me.

So I stayed home, a lot. For a long time.

The moment I decided enough was enough

Around the seven-month mark, something shifted. We had a holiday to Hamilton Island booked way before Ashton was born with my parents, so I was forced to be out all day, every day for a week. I slowly saw that I could manage being out with Ashton and it was okay. In fact, it was fun and he loved it. Ashton had also grown past the stage where I was convinced he would stop breathing if I looked away for too long. And I started to notice something else creeping in. The stir crazy, restless, I-have-lost-myself feeling that nobody warns you about loudly enough.

I had also completely fallen away from content creation. Something I had loved, something I genuinely knew I was good at, something that had been a core part of my identity for years. I had just stopped. The world felt too overwhelming and inspiration felt impossible and so I put the camera down and I did not pick it up.

At seven-months postpartum, I made a decision. Enough was enough. I was going to start creating again, even if life wasn’t perfect, because I needed something for myself. So I posted a video that started me off on my new content direction,’ you don’t have to have it all figured out to start‘. I didn’t really have a plan, or a direction at the time, I just knew I needed to do something.

Why “Places I Can Go Where I Can Put My Baby Down”

The name is very literal and that is entirely the point.

Ashton was in that specific, maddening developmental window where he was not walking yet but absolutely refused to just sit there. He wanted to be doing things. He was curious and wriggly and enthusiastic about the world in the way that only a baby who has recently discovered they have hands can be. He also ate things off the floor, like everything, I caught him with a dead fly or two. Ugh.

I needed places that were genuinely suitable for that age. Not just technically baby friendly in the sense that they had a change table somewhere. Actually designed for small humans who are low to the ground, unpredictable and deeply committed to putting the floor in their mouth. Places where he would not get stepped on. Places where an eight year old on a scooter was not going to take him out. Places where I could actually put him down and breathe for a moment.

I could not find a guide that answered that specific question. So I started making one for myself.

What happened next

I posted the first video. Then the second. Then the third.

And almost immediately, mums connected to it.

Not just liked it or saved it. Connected to it. Messaged me to say they had been looking for exactly this. Shared it with their mothers groups. Commented with their own suggestions. Told me they had been in the same postpartum fog and this series had given them a reason to leave the house.

That last one hit differently than I expected.

We are now eleven episodes in and this series is not going anywhere. Every episode is a real place I have actually taken Ashton. Every review is honest, including when something did not quite live up to the promise. And every post exists because at seven months postpartum, a version of me that was very tired and a little lost decided to pick the camera back up.

I am really glad she did.

Each episode of Places I Can Go Where I Can Put My Baby Down covers a specific Brisbane location or activity and what to actually expect with a baby in tow. I found that a lot of these places SUCK at social media marketing and didn’t actually show what the experience was like, so I wanted to make little videos that will help you decide if it is worth your while, too. You can follow along on Instagram at @samicuff or bookmark this blog and check back as new episodes go live.

And if you’ve read this far, or watched the series, can I just say thank you? This has changed the trajectory of my experience in motherhood. I was feeling so lost, unmotivated and like I was losing my spark. Now, I have a creative outlet and a whole new community of mums to do life alongside. Thank you, thank you! And I’m just getting started.

Sami xx